Article by: Gemma_Swansburg
Monday, August 2, 2010
No Confidence? How to Have a Happy, Confident Mind
Want to improve your confidence? Even the most outwardly successful person can lack confidence in themselves in particular situations. How can you learn to be a more confident person? Read these essential self-esteem and confidence-building tips.
WHAT IS CONFIDENCE?
The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines confidence as "a feeling or consciousness of one's powers" or "the quality or state of being certain". Confidence is also a trust in a person or being.
YOUR INNER VOICE: YOU AND ONLY YOU CAN CHOOSE TO BE CONFIDENT
Confidence is essentially an attitude. Having a confident state of mind and secure self-esteem is something that comes from within YOU and ONLY YOU. Many people consider confidence as a result of a particular achievement or status. For example, they think "when I'm slim and beautiful, I'll be more confident", or "when I've made a success of myself and I'm driving a Ferrari, I'll have all the confidence in the world" or "if I weren't such a loser, I would be more confident". People who lack confidence and self-esteem often feel that they have no control over their lives, that they were born ugly, or poor or stupid. You have to realize that self-confidence is not dependent on your achievements or status (or perceived lack thereof). And that confidence can be learned and developed with practice and the right techniques.
Remember too that a lack of self-confidence is an extremely common worry for many and you are not only in your fears.
GETTING INTO A CONFIDENT STATE
Remember the last time you felt truly confident and happy. Perhaps you received a prize at school, or your father once praised you for a particular achievement. It does not matter how big or small the actual achievement was: you are simply trying to replicate the emotion of feeling totally confident. Close your eyes and recall that emotion in as much detail as possible. Remember your physical feeling, your emotions, the sounds around you, the colors, the smells and environment. It does not matter if you don't recall every detail straight away, with practice you will develop a clearer mental picture. Practice bringing that feeling of confidence back again and again until you can summon that confident state almost immediately. Now, whenever you are in a stressful state or need a confidence boost, bring back that feeling. It might take some practice at first. Do not worry if you don't get it the first few times. Try to practice it everyday for about one month. If you require a certain trigger to help you recall that feeling then use it. I find that if I attach a song to that emotion, then all I need to do is play it loudly on my earphones, and I can immediately recall it.
SMILE AND WALK TALL
Look in the mirror and give a big, deep smile. Straighten your shoulders, put your head up and walk tall. If you act confident, you will feel more confident. Your mind and body are capable of incredible things.
BE AWARE OF YOUR BREATHING
If you need to, slow down your breathing. During stressful moments, be aware of your breathing. Focus on making each breath deeper and slower and you will gradually feel more calm and confident.
USE POSITIVE LANGUAGE
Use positive language as much as possible. Avoid phrases such as
- "I'm not good at"
- "I can't"
- "I shouldn't"
- "I have to"
- "Alright for some"
BE POSITIVE TOWARDS OTHERS
If we are positive towards others, they are more likely to be positive towards you. Try to be positive, polite and as nice as possible to people around you. Focus on them, listening and empathizing with their situation and you are likely to receive a similar response back.
WHAT TO DO ABOUT PEOPLE WHO CONSTANTLY BATTER YOUR CONFIDENCE
Remember that self-confidence comes from you and not from others. If you have someone who is constantly putting you down, you could try and avoid contact with them, but you could also try to turn their words into a positive. You might have a parent who is always telling you to save more money, get a girlfriend, lose weight, work harder, be more like someone else. Whenever you hear these words just say to yourself "they are only saying these things because they love me and want the best for me. I love mom and her comments because she only wants the best for me".
CONFIDENCE WILL COME
Like many things in life, having confidence takes practice. Do not expect it to come overnight. If you are shy in public places, the more practice you have meeting people, the better you will become at confident, social interactions. Just keep working at your confidence and self-esteem little by little and the results will come.
Article by: Gemma_Swansburg